"SELDOM GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, BUT ALWAYS POLITICALLY CORRECT."
AS MARTY SAID, THE MAGAZINE OFTEN WROTE ITSELF DUE TO OUR OWN ANTICS AND THE RUNNING OF OUR MOUTHS - THE BEST QOUTES FOLLOW.
"SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE."
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP."
"THAT SURE WAS A NICE RADAR DETECTOR."
----VARIOUS THINGS DOUG BROWN SAID TO BOB BROWDER TO TRY AND PISS HIM OFF DURING THEIR SUPPORT IN MILWAUKEE OF THE KARS.
"THIS IS THE LAST ONE OUT OF A 12-PACK AND THE BEER STORE CLOSES IN FIVE MINUTES."
----RUMOR HAS IT THAT THIS IS WHAT STEVE MOORE TOLD THE OFFICER THAT PULLED HIM OVER ON THE 4TH OF JULY FOR DOING 80 IN A 55 MPH ZONE. HE GOT OUT OF THE TICKET.
"HE IS JUST CLEARING THE COB WEBS OUT OF HIS HEAD."
"I HOPE HE BROUGHT A PUSH BROOM."
----A CONVERSATION BETWEEN BRIAN NIEKERK AND STEVE CUNNINGHAM ON WHY TOM WILSON WAS SITTING BY HIMSELF UNDER A TENT AT CAPE FEAR.
"MY KIT BAG SURE IS HEAVY. I DIDN'T THINK I PACKED THAT MUCH."
----MIKE DULIN, NOT REALIZING DOUG BROWN HAD TAKEN ALL HIS CLOTHES OUT OF THE BAG AND FILLED IT WITH SAND FROM WRIGHTSVILLE BEACH.
"I'M SURPRISED SOMEONE HASN'T SHOT HER FOR HER PELT."
----REX WOLFE, COMMENTING ON THE APPEARANCE OF A GIRL IN THE NEXT CAR ON THE INTERSTATE DURING A TRIP TO CHARLOTTE.
"REX WOLFE IS THE FINEST DAUGHTER THAT MY FATHER EVER RAISED."
----KEN WOLFE, REX'S BROTHER, TO THE KARPS IN FT. WALTON.
"YOU BOYS HERE FOR A SOFTBALL TOURNAMENT?"
----BRIAN NIEKERK, TO THE KALAMAZOO SEVENS TEAM THE NIGHT BEFORE THE KARS BEAT THEM IN THE FINALS IN CLEVELAND.
"I'M GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HER BUTT, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE'RE A RUGBY TEAM."
----JOHN GRAHAM, TO THE YOUNG LADY'S BOYFRIEND ON FT. WALTON BEACH AS HE PHOTOGRAPHED HER SHOWERING THE SAND OFF HER BODY.
"I CAN'T STAY AND PLAY IN THE SECOND GAME. I HAVE TO GO HOME AND PUT THAT SECOND COAT OF VARNISH ON THE FLOOR."
"I WHIPPED INTO A PARKING LOT OF A ROADSIDE BAR, RAN BEHIND THE BUILDING AND INTO THE WOODS, THEN FELL ASLEEP ON A ROCK PILE."
"SINCE WE ONLY HAVE 13, IT'S A GOOD THING WE BROUGHT GUYS WHO DON'T PASS ANYWAY."
"FAT, DRUNK AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE."
"JUST SAVE ME A SHRED OF DIGNITY."
"I HAVE TO GO RELIEVE THE WIFE."
"I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN ANYONE KNOCKED DOWN BY A RUGBY BALL BEFORE. THAT BALL REALLY KICKED HIS BUTT!"
-----FEMALE SPECTATOR IN SAVANNAH AFTER WAYNE CRAVENS WAS FLAILED TO THE GROUND WHILE TRYING TO CATCH A ROUTINELY KICKED BALL.
"HE SURE IS HIGH MAINTENANCE. I WISH I HAD HAIR THAT NICE."
-----A GROUP OF GIRLS DURING A SUNNY AFTERNOON AT THE FORKS.
"HE'S SICK TODAY, SO HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COME OUT AND PLAY."
-----SPOUSE OF A PLAYER IN ONE OF THE MORE INTERESTING EXCUSES FOR NOT SHOWING UP FOR A MATCH. NEWSFLASH - HURT FEELINGS AND BRUISED EGOS HAVE NEVER BEEN OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED ILLNESSES BY HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONALS.
"WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
-----MARTY INTRODUCING HIMSELF TO THE GUY THAT WAS ABOUT TO PUT THE THIRD STITCH BELOW HIS EYE ON A PARK BENCH IN SAVANNAH. SINCE THE GUY HAD BEEN WORKING ON HIS FACE FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES, IT WAS PROBABLY A LITTLE LATE TO BE CONCERNED WITH HIS NAME, MEDICAL TRAINING OR EXPERIENCE.
"THE MAN WITH THE BLUE NOSE SPEAKS THE TRUTH."
----AFTER JODY MUNIZ COUGHED UP THE CONDOM IN CINCINNATI, SCOTT SANDMAN PAINTED HIS FACE WITH POOL ROOM CHALK.
"OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED KENNY!"
-HEARD ON THE FIELD MORE TIMES THAN ON COMEDY CENTRAL
"IF YOU DON'T COUNT PAT, OUR AVERAGE AGE ON THIS SIDE IS ABOUT 24."
PLAYER 1-"I AM SO EMBARRASSED TO PLAY FOR THIS TEAM THE WAY YOU GUYS ACTED... "
PLAYER 2 TO PLAYER 3-"WASN'T HE ONE OF THE FIRST ONES TO START FIGHTING?"
OVERHEARD WHILE WATCHING THE REPLAY OF MATCHES AT THE MID-SOUTH TOURNAMENT....
"I REMEMBER THAT PLAY. THAT'S THE MAUL WHEN I REALLY SMEARED PAT DORWIN."
"I GUESS YOU WOULD CALL THAT A PAT SMEAR THEN WOULDN'T YOU ..."
"@#$% IT. JUST %$#@ IT, I'LL BE SOCIAL CHAIRMAN AGAIN."
"YOU MISQOUTED ME IN THE LAST NEWSLETTER. I NEVER SAID THEY HAD TO BE YOUNG, JUST DRUNK ..."
"WHEN IS THAT THING GOING TO POP, LITTLE MAMA?"
-A VERY UNIQUE WAY OF ASKING A PREGNANT LADY WHEN SHE IS DUE.
"I'M SPENT. THE ONLY THING THAT IS GOING TO SWELL ON ME TONIGHT IS MY KNEE."
"WE ARE LEAVING IN 11 MINUTES."
"THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I EVER MOVED BECAUSE I WANTED TO AND NOT BECAUSE THEY ASKED ME TO."
"I DON'T HAVE TO THROW UP, I JUST WANT TO."
-----JUST ANOTHER IN A LONG LIST OF STRANGE PRE-GAME RITUALS FOR A POSSUM.
"DON'T EVER PLAY THAT MAN IN MY PRESCENCE AGAIN."
-----A COACH OVERHEARD AT THE DOGWOOD OBVIOUSLY DISSATISFIED WITH A PLAYER.
"IF I COULD GET UP, I'D KICK YOU IN THE ASS - WITH MY GOOD LEG, OF COURSE."
"TOM MAY HAVE MOVED, BUT WE STILL HAVE SOMEONE TO CARRY ON THE TRADITION OF WEARING A SPEEDO ON THE BEACH ..."
"SERIOUSLY, THAT WAS THE BEST REFFED GAME THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN. BUT, I'VE ONLY SEEN THREE GAMES."
DRUNK PLAYER - "IM NOT GOING, I'M STILL IN MY UNDERWEAR."
SOBER PLAYER - "DON'T WORRY, YOU'RE INVISIBLE."
"I JUST HAD TO HELP AN OLD GAY MAN OUT ..."
"IT'S 40 DEGREES OUTSIDE, FOR GOD'S SAKE WILL SOMEONE TELL HIM TO PUT A SHIRT ON."
"WHAT D'YA MEAN I DON'T SUPPORT YOUR SYSTEM? I GO TO COURT WHEN I HAVE TO ..."
"I SAID I MIGHT GO TO MARDI GRAS ... M-I-T-E!"
RESPONSE NO. 1-FLINT, MICHIGAN
RESPONSE NO. 2- PLAYING RUGBY
RESPONSE NO. 3-SOME GREAT BIG SOBs.....
-------ANSWERS TO QUESTION USED TO EVALUATE A HEAD INJURY TO A FLINT PLAYER. YOU CAN GUESS THE QUESTIONS.
"I'LL WHIP EVERYBODY HERE!"
"MAYBE NOT ..."
-------INTOXICATED PATRON AS HE WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR OF A LOCAL WATERING HOLE, NOT REALIZING THE BAR WAS FULL OF CELEBRATING POSSUMS.
"WE REALLY HAVE TO STEP UP OUR RECRUITING. I'M SURE THERE ARE A LOT OF EX-FOOTBALL PLAYERS OUT THERE THAT ARE JUST SITTING AROUND WITH NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT BEAT THEIR WIVES ..."
-------STRANGE WAY TO GET A GUY PLAY RUGBY - AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
KARNAK THE MAGNIFICENT
HE KEEPS GOING AND GOING AND GOING ...
-------DESCRIBE TUNA TALKING ABOUT THE BUDGET.
PRIMAL FEAR...
-------WHAT YOU FEEL WHEN YOU ARE RIDING IN A CAR WITH KARL BEHIND THE WHEEL.
PREMATURE EJACKULATION...
-------WHAT IT'S CALLED WHEN EVERYBODY THOUGHT JACK GEIBIG WAS GOING TO WIN THE WHINEY HINEY.
SACRILICIOUS...
-------WHAT DO YOU CALL TOM WILSON DROOLING OVER YOUNG CATHOLIC GIRLS.
ART REYNOLDS' FINGER...
-------NAME THE ONLY THING THAT GET'S PULLED MORE OFTEN THAN PAT DORWIN'S HAMSTRING.
"ISN'T IT IRONIC ... FOR THE LONGEST TIME WE HAD A VERY STRONG CLUB BUT STRUGGLED AS A TEAM; NOW, WE HAVE A VERY STRONG TEAM BUT STRUGGLE AS A CLUB."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T WASH ME FEET? I STAND IN THE SHOWER EVERY MORNING!"
"I WAS GOING TO BUY A COPY OF 'THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING,' AND THEN I THOUGHT: WHAT THE HELL GOOD WOULD THAT DO?"
"SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE, HE PULLED HIS HAMSTRING AGAIN."
"WHINEY EDDIE?"
"NOTHING WILL CUT A TOURNAMENT SHORT LIKE GOING TO JAIL ..."
HEARD AROUND THE BURN BARREL AFTER SANTA CLAUS 7s: "WOMEN ... IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE VAGINAS, WE'D BE THROWIN' ROCKS AT 'EM."
HEARD ON THE SIDELINES DURING AN U23 MATCH: "THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT - WATCHING OUR FUTURE WHILE WE DRINK AWAY OUR PAST."
"ALL THOSE PEOPLE WANT TO DO IS GO TO CHURCH," SCOTT SANDMAN ABOUT WHERE HE LIVES, HEARD ON THE SIDELINES DURING THE 2010 UT OLD BOYS GAME. A FEW MINUTES LATER, BOB HAMPSTEAD WAS SHOWING SCOTT THE 30th ANNIVERSARY BOOK. "IT EVEN HAS FANTASY (RUGBY) IN THE REAR," BOB INFORMED HIM.
"ISN'T THAT WHERE THEY (FANTASIES) ALL ARE?" SCOTT REPLIED.
"STUPID BITCH! SHE GAVE ME DIRECTIONS AND I FORGOT EM'!"
- TOM WILSON - WHEN ASKED BY STEVE LINK WHERE THE NEXT TURN WAS WHILE LOOKING FOR THE POST MATCH PARTY.
"I'VE HAD HER" - DOUG BROWN - WHEN LINK POINTED OUT A BABE AT THE TAP ROOM - DOUG HAD A POLE POSITION FOR ELBOW SEX THAT NIGHT AND AS IT TURNED OUT HIS ELBOW HAD ALREADY EXPERIENCED MOST OF THE GIRLS IN THE BAR!
"_________________ FROM HELL!" INSERT ANY SUBJECT MATTER IN THE BLANK - WILDMAN.
"BALLS ON MAD MAN!" - RICK ??? LAST NAME? - WILD MAN HAD THE BALL IN A MAUL AND NO ONE KNEW WHO RICK WAS TALKING ABOUT.
"I CAN TELL YOUR SINGLE - NOTHING IN THE FRIDGE BUT A SIX PACK AND A STICK OF BUTTER" - FRANK BARBER REFERRING TO STEVE LINK'S LACK OF PANTRY AND FRIDGE SNACKS.
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